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"poets are dreamers... we daydream at our own peril" -Dr.Garnett
"those who write clearly have readers, those who write obscurely have commentators." -Albert Camus
"There are no facts, only interpretations." -Friedrich Nietzsche
"No man would set a word down on paper if he had the courage to live out what he believed in. Tropic of Cancer." -Henry Miller
"A man who lives for music dies into the same silence as one who lives for the pen or sword." -Floyd Skloot
"A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence." -Leopole Stokowski
"Only boring people are bored for long, and bored people are always boring." -Irvine Welsh
"Art is a lie which tells the truth." -Pablo Picasso
"just when you think tomorrow will never come; it's yesterday." -Earl Wilson
"We imagine always when we speak that it is our own ears, our own mind, that are listening." -Marcel Proust
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about." -Albert Einstein
"There is only one thing that I know for certain: the value judgements of human beings are undoubtedly guided by their desire for happiness and thus amount to an attempt to back up their illusions with arguments." -Sigmund Freud
"People would rather make the void their purpose than be void of purpose." -Friedrich Nietzsche
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."." -Oscar Wilde
"this is the worst world of all the worlds was it just a bit more worse it could not even exist!" -Arthur Schopenhauer
"When it is dark, the objects and I will come out of limbo. Nausea" -Jean-Paul Sartre
"We all need mirrors to remind ourselves of who we are – I’m no different." -Leonard Shelby
"If God created us in His image we have certainly returned the compliment." - Voltaire
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    Monday, May 30, 2005

    Linen Kisses

    Drowning in linen sheets
    I see you and me
    aboard a ferry
    breeze whispering to our ears
    cool summer sun casting its light

    water rippled on my cheeks
    your touch made them fade
    drops of your stare
    golden smiles you held

    then we walked on stone-path streets
    smell of french bread in the air
    we gaze at pigeons flying by
    coffee shops and tea
    you held my hand lightly softly

    we watched an old man paint
    how a boy waded by a puddle
    on the other side of the street.
    you whispered, i giggled
    and we gave him a tip.

    u brengt mijn ziel aan hoogten

    we walked up the steps to a hill
    long and dizzying it seemed
    but at the end a view so magnificent
    we were on top
    we were in control.

    roofs and trees and tiny sidestreets
    little cars, people like dots
    and beyond was the horizon
    painted by the sun
    purple violet grey devine
    then a band playing near our side
    “valoir la passionné de...
    à côté de vous...”


    you leaned forward
    I see a pair of gray marble mirrors
    reflecting my shadow
    within your soul.
    and its getting dark
    and people were leaving
    but we-
    both hypnotized by each other's gaze...

    linnen kussen in een andere wereld

    as the linen tangled
    I woke up
    my lips were cold
    my eyes were burning
    my cheeks trembling from my smile
    my heart skip skipping
    honey, à tout à l’heure!
    I'll see you in a little while.

    Friday, May 27, 2005

    Snowflake Eyes

    IF my eyes could only capture
    each second of what I see
    if only that picture can record
    the scent surrounding me -
      pineapples, peaches and grapes
    wine drops that moisten my lips;
    Grasping in breathing spell-

    as I open the window
      and gaze outside
      cold breeze went within
    as the clouds weep in agony
      every drop shouts your name
      the hot breeze cling to my veins
    as my windowpane dream
      of snowstorms
      and hale.

    I closed my thoughts
    I fell unknowingly
    the sensation of dropping
    a split second gone to infinity

    I float with arms wide open
    and the air embracing me
    fall from skyscrapers
     I drop
      I fall
       I smither
        I burst -
     into innumerable molecules
    as a snowflake i become
    an open hand catches me
    and I melt with the heat of his palm
     becoming one with the skin
      absorbing,
       obliterating.

    If only i could be
      a snowflake -
    in a standstill
    in a still frame.

    voor altijd*.*

    Thursday, May 26, 2005

    Comments Link Lost

    I don't know what happened. I can't even remember tampering with the html of the comments part. Now im viewing my page for the nth time!

    After a lovely evening, I went to check out my blog as the sun was rising. I got a mail from my Moogie Blog comments, .A. can't seem to post a comment at my poem Drunk Sailor.

    I think it started with my failure to get the fresco referral links right. So i tried a new one from ej stone, but my brain cells acted dumb today ha! Even asked them for help. No answers yet. Well, if all else fails, id get that Halo Scan comments linked.

    Hmm.. maybe its the comming storm. After getting the html from blogger help, which messed it up even more ... lol... i was getting paranoid on who or what tampered with the codes. But maybe its just me...Thinking maybe i blocked out one time which i cannot recall. A sudden lapse probably. With all these heat, i do need some break, away from this temp. and the temp of my pc too! lol.. suddenly jumping to 50+ degrees Celsius! oh noo...

    And another prob living in a tropical country especially in May, you know it will rain after a few hours when the temp rises too hot. And the heat makes you forget things. I even forgot the template of Moogie Blog and twisted are the same. tssk ...and i searched endlessly for the codes somewhere else. I even thought of waking up sweet Capt. Moogie just to ask for help. But hey, this can wait.

    Now its starting to rain. see! I knew it! Crash and howl" ..i can hear the wind now blowing the leaves off the trees.

    oh, it even made me forgot why i didnt go to work today. lol.
    Well, i better post this later. I keep on getting that "page cannot be displayed" message from ie. And its a bad idea to be online while there are lightnings outside.

    ----
    note: for comments, pls proceed to outside the box and post them there first if you can't post here, while i figure this out.

    Wednesday, May 18, 2005

    The Drunk Sailor

    lost at sea

    Sky boiling sapphire from the sea
    Losing contact with reality
    Swaying to the sidewaves shifting
    Like an uneasy sleep he went turning.

    Although awake the sailor snors
    Drowning the clouds of subversive liquor;
    Drought in his throat he will succumb
    Famine and death in his shipwreched dischord.

    Submerged in bottles of spilling fire
    The dilema of wanting overpower;
    Duality of form is all he sees
    No one should dare stop him, impelled the beast.

    Standing up he felt his numb limb
    A duel he cast upon the wind
    Boistering rough violent verbs
    As he suffocates with his own words.

    "I am the master of all seas!"
    Unknowing the wrath of the silent breeze,
    He went on shouting, cursing her -
    To then die that day on mid-December.

    Then she awoke from her long time sleep
    To cast the demon off her feet;
    She thumped on the waves to carry his ship
    His sails were torn by her strong whip.

    She cried to his sins, he should pay -
    He choked as his perception fades away;
    Then he shred - no time to resist
    As his body sail away piece by piece.


    -----
    note: i celebrate through traditional writing the May 17th ritual...
    but now, not with the drunk sailor, but with Captain Easychord*.*

    Sunday, May 15, 2005

    Phantom Stalker

    i see you in every corner of my eyes
    i look around and there you are among the crowd
    walking by the distant
    among faceless souls
    and there you are again reading by the bookstore

    i sip a cup of coffee i see
    a reflection of your face through the waves
    i look up and you're gone

    i look outside the window
    by the office, by my home
    i see you walking, running and riding a bike
    but i stare and its not

    your shadow creeping my every move
    i feel a slight swish
    i thought it was you beside me
    oh, how i wish!

    and i travel among city streets
    looking, searching
    pair of grey eyes i gleam
    and i saw them often as i dream

    i cant seem to find you around
    so i looked up
    and i saw you once more
    i thouht, you, i finally found.

    a clear light hiding behind
    puffs of distant smiles
    a thousand kisses you shower me
    under millions of droplets of the sea.

    just to see you smile

    ----
    note: half-asleep i write as i listen to Spacemen 3 - Just to See You Smile
    see more of what i see thru velvet eyes

    Saturday, May 14, 2005

    Teardrop

    under a starless night
    waves of delight
    hang by the corners of my skin
    and how long will it be not
    me through the light beam?

    must i not want anything
    but you surrounding me
    instead of waves of salty promises,
    bitter dreams?

    we lay in the midst
    of our unconsciousness
    as i write the intuitions
    of a lover whom -
    i may not have known
    the flare of life and all its meaning
    and i repeat and go repeating

    as the hearts of knowledge interpolate
    be not wanting
    from the shade

    purple dim lights
    an empty glass of fire
    gun shots
    the noise and chaos within me
    explodes in the night

    and i hear the echo outside
    and i feel the coldness within
    and i sense the longing
    of a tranquil becoming

    and the mysterious ways
    movements of love
    will bring forth its finality
    and darkness lest give no meaning

    crowning our Elysium
    with my own dagger, an obelisk
    yellow flowers i shred
    i tremble within.
    when will it ever be?

    and the sky's teardrop seals it all.


    voed me met uw kus

    Saturday, May 07, 2005

    We Are But Fragments

    We are but fragments
    of an illusion we have yet to see
    little dots in a brink of uncertainty.

    i stare at the waves of your sky
    its tears falling
    onto the glass pane of your eyes

    and the prairies are leaving
    with a gray dust
    far across on roads getting smaller

    your eyes travel and i stay behind
    staring -
    unspeaking...

    how vast the emptiness in your arms
    how wide the horizon of your thoughts
    diverse
    and serene.

    the twinkling lights across the mirage
    on the other side
    we both wait.
    til the waters subside.

    now you blend perfectly
    as the sun
    drags himself to its dreaming sheet.
    dissipated to the sands of its broken fragment
    of its broken beam.


    het missen van de mijn andere helft

    Friday, May 06, 2005

    Anxiety and mobile phones

    ok i'm calm now.
    looks like its another swing of the velvet anxiety syndrome. like a pendulum moving slow, I'm on the other side now. the less restless one. and i could stay here for a while, i dont know how long tho. an hour ago i almost reached the brink of anxiety.

    maybe its the weather. almost 36 degrees C here, and - in the evening! but now its much cooler. thank goid for aircons! why the fuss? i just hate the thought of us being the country with rampant call-centers, (its a disease!) and they cater other countries more than its own.

    i've been sending sms for days now to somewhere in europe BUT the reciever do not recieve any! AND i am being charged of all the unsent messages! i was also suppose to recieve a number of sms but haven't got any. five days ago i called the network provider and they claimed their system is JUST having some "technical" maintenance, and better check within a couple of days, "surely it will be up again". do i get a guarantee? no. do i get some kind of refund or rebate? no. because i was "only on a pre-paid" service. talk about being in the third world!!! 'technical' is another word for

    'i dont need to explain coz you won't understand, it will only bring you headches'. ohh... well,
    break my brains then!

    i tried calling their hotline again today. NO ANSWER! and i dialed for an hour with only 5-10 minutes interval for every 10 continuous dials! and i realized that their wireless centers are unwired(!) and useless after the malls closes (10:00pm). no 24-hours?! tssk! yes it is my fault, its past 11.00 pm and i searched their site just now. now i cant call for inquiries. pff.. no 'contact us' list then? where's the 24-hour hotline list?! they can't have just 2 numbers?! i'm defenitely gonna change my network provider! too bad the one who offers 'unlimited sms' is only valid when sent within the country. sim swap!

    blood boiling.. then i walked all around the house as if looking for something which i do not know and can't find, with occasional "eeh!" and "uhrg!" pulling strands of hair, flashing off fake calm smiles to people in the house, then walked some more. i was purspiring. went to the balcony. i need fresh air! then i sat. now i hear things! rumblings, whisperings, i hear voices of people i do not know and know, with a rebutal or two of my own. placed one finger to each of my ears. closed my eyes, felt the air. tried to smell. i can't think of anything straight. the silence brought my thoughts in a chaos, like a dozen people whispering behind me. and i cant understand the words. all mumbles and my legs were weak and trembled. i need a smoke! but i don't want the odor to linger in the house when people are around. ran to my room and sat again in front of the pc.

    headphones! i listened to Devics, then Eluvium. followed on to my links of photos (please see sidebar for eye candies) and now my mind was caught up in stillness, especially when i learned that
    sky worship was like how i treat the one below it, the sea. *sighs* hhmm... now i'll remind myself that when i get one of those panic attacks.

    why... just call him instead! its only $.40/ minute.

    Tuesday, May 03, 2005

    Sea, Swallow Me

    She drifted along a redwood boat. Without oars. Without sails.
    Lying chest-down, her hands wade with the water.
    Her feet splashed gently to its sound.
    The sun lost within the clouds and mist. Hiding behind the waters of the sky.
    And the sea now eyeing her. Wanted to engulf her. Although it was aback.
    It was thinking twice.
    She looked so serene and peacful, to be lost in its deep waters.
    And yet looked so lonely and alone, not to be either.


    But all her strength was gone, like water spilled on the ground.
    All her bones are out of joint, her heart melted like wax.
    Her throat was dry as dust, her tongue sticks to the roof of her mouth.
    She needed the sea to keep her nurtured and warm.


    Little splash of waves bathed the girl in the grey luster of its gaze.
    Voices drifted on the water like waste paper.
    Words, sighs, and whispers whose owners were nowhere to be seen.
    She looked down on the water.
    A field spread with thousands of broken panes of glass.
    She saw her jagged reflection.
    Maybe those were her thoughts spilling out of her, whispering in her ears...
    Maybe it was the sea telling her something.


    Years of hauling water, with no chance of beauty or color of light,
    stretched before her like an endless sea, where, a long way across,
    a landscape of hills and trees and pines... is visible but can never be reached.
    Fata Morgana! A mirage...
    she wondered for the first time after passing long summer days in the sea
    I no longer want to be here!



    u bent mijn zee


    And she offered herself. Closed her eyes.
    Gasped for all the air her lungs could hold, and held onto it...
    She dove in... forgetting how long she was attached to the boat.
    Letting go, she left with nothing, as she came with nothing.
    Head first, a splatter on her face like a million decks of cards.


    The sea now, with all anticipation, welcomed her whole.
    I was waiting for you.
    And she was wraped within its tears of blue,
    with no breath, no yesterday, no tomorrow.
    The air was reduced to a permanent twilight
    and she found herself in the arms of sleep
    within the water of Life.


    -----
    note: based on a dream and inspired by a song of Elizabeth Fraser







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