Anxiety and mobile phones

ok i'm calm now.
looks like its another swing of the velvet anxiety syndrome. like a pendulum moving slow, I'm on the other side now. the less restless one. and i could stay here for a while, i dont know how long tho. an hour ago i almost reached the brink of anxiety.

maybe its the weather. almost 36 degrees C here, and - in the evening! but now its much cooler. thank goid for aircons! why the fuss? i just hate the thought of us being the country with rampant call-centers, (its a disease!) and they cater other countries more than its own.

i've been sending sms for days now to somewhere in europe BUT the reciever do not recieve any! AND i am being charged of all the unsent messages! i was also suppose to recieve a number of sms but haven't got any. five days ago i called the network provider and they claimed their system is JUST having some "technical" maintenance, and better check within a couple of days, "surely it will be up again". do i get a guarantee? no. do i get some kind of refund or rebate? no. because i was "only on a pre-paid" service. talk about being in the third world!!! 'technical' is another word for
'i dont need to explain coz you won't understand, it will only bring you headches'. ohh... well,
break my brains then!

i tried calling their hotline again today. NO ANSWER! and i dialed for an hour with only 5-10 minutes interval for every 10 continuous dials! and i realized that their wireless centers are unwired(!) and useless after the malls closes (10:00pm). no 24-hours?! tssk! yes it is my fault, its past 11.00 pm and i searched their site just now. now i cant call for inquiries. pff.. no 'contact us' list then? where's the 24-hour hotline list?! they can't have just 2 numbers?! i'm defenitely gonna change my network provider! too bad the one who offers 'unlimited sms' is only valid when sent within the country. sim swap!

blood boiling.. then i walked all around the house as if looking for something which i do not know and can't find, with occasional "eeh!" and "uhrg!" pulling strands of hair, flashing off fake calm smiles to people in the house, then walked some more. i was purspiring. went to the balcony. i need fresh air! then i sat. now i hear things! rumblings, whisperings, i hear voices of people i do not know and know, with a rebutal or two of my own. placed one finger to each of my ears. closed my eyes, felt the air. tried to smell. i can't think of anything straight. the silence brought my thoughts in a chaos, like a dozen people whispering behind me. and i cant understand the words. all mumbles and my legs were weak and trembled. i need a smoke! but i don't want the odor to linger in the house when people are around. ran to my room and sat again in front of the pc.

headphones! i listened to Devics, then Eluvium. followed on to my links of photos (please see sidebar for eye candies) and now my mind was caught up in stillness, especially when i learned that sky worship was like how i treat the one below it, the sea. *sighs* hhmm... now i'll remind myself that when i get one of those panic attacks.

why... just call him instead! its only $.40/ minute.