Everybody looks but nobody tells what he thinks

Upon re-reading the Symposium of Plato, I chanced upon this thought that I can hardly point out a greater good for someone, to have, than a good lover, and for a lover, a beloved.

That should guide human beings who are going to live fairly throughout their lives, cannot be implemented by neihter blood ties, nor honors, nor wealth, nor anything else as beautifully as by love.

Now what do I say this is? It is shame in the face of shameful things and honorable ambition in the face of beautiful things. For without them, neither city nor private person can accomplish great and beautiful deeds. So I assert than in the case of any real man who loves, were is to come to light that he was either doing something shameful or putting up with it from another out of cowardice and without defending himself, he would not be as pained on being observed by either his father, his comrades, nor anyone else as by his beloved. We observe that this same thing also applies in the case of the beloved. He is exceptionally shamed before his lover whenever he is seen to be involved in something shameful for him.

So if there were any possibility that a city or army could be composed of lovers and beloveds, then there could be no better way for them to manage their own city. Coz they would abstain from all that is shameful and be filled with love or honor before one another. And besides, were they to do battle alongside one another, then even a few of this sort would win over just about all human beings; for a real man in love would of course far less prefer to be seen by his beloved than by all the rest when it comes to deserting his post or throwing away his weapons. He would chose to be dead many times over before that happened.

And, to say nothing of leaving behind one's beloved or not coming to his aid when he is in danger, there is no one so bad that, he would not be directed toward virtue - to the point where he is like one who is best by nature: And simply as Homer said "the strength that the god breathed into some of the heroes*", the lovers supplies from himself to their beloved.

----
note: *In Iliad, Athena breathes strength into Diomedes, and Apollo does the same for Hector.

Be it dreaming or undreaming with the idealism of love, with this I could say, as a beloved, that I have reached that same height of feeling and as a lover, that I have also breathe strength to my beloved as he breathed unto me.

jumping off the boat going to santorini

Got a mail just recently from one of the dreaming lost souls lurking through this blog. And maybe this is not only an answer to him/her and those who were asking what happened to the proposal that was left on a string of unclear sleeping... and awakening; but maybe also an answer to the answer to the answer of the answer I got from that thought. (phew.. that was long...anyway...)

"Does it have a happy ending?" Does it have an ending? Will it ever end? Will my daydreams never end? Will I ever stop to wish on dreaming of being in another place? Will I ever stop to floathe between my dreams and the real things? Who hasn't anyway? And hmm yeah... Dreams Never End.

Well, it is left on a dangle still but I am thankful I have already jumped off that boat that was on its way to the island of gone dreams. Coz now I'm dreaming away in the arms of beautiful sweet sweet sweet paris wings... and yes sir, I can moogie. 8D

Dreams and what they might mean

Awake. To feel an awakening experience, signifies that there is some good and brighness instore for you, but there will be disappointments intermingled between the present and that time.

Rice. Rice is good to see in dreams. It fortells success and warm friendships. Prosperity to all trades is promised. To eat it, signifies happiness and domestic comfort. To see it mixed with dirt or otherwise impure, denotes sickness and separation from friends.

Kitchen. To dream that your kitchen is clean and orderly fortells you will become the mistress of interesting fortunes.

Sun. To dream of seeing clear, shining sunrise, foretells joyous events and prosperity, which give delightful promises. A sun shining through clouds, denotes that troubles and difficulties are losing hold on you, and prosperity is nearing you.

hmm... interesting dream. it's not really boring if you look at these possible meanings.. no more dark clouds... *.*

-----
reference: Encyclopedia of Dreams, c 1993 Tiger Books International, London

NOveMbeR

Your electric waves
Linger in the cold breeze
of a Sunday afternoon

And how the empty passion
of an unworthy heart
Capture the scent of your thoughts

I can sense the warmth
Although I know
that our dreamy heart
Cannot touch.

My head spins with the wind
Dark light
And spark beams
Echoes us into oblivion

Chase the morning clouds
With graveyard tears
And hopeful nonsense

Wading into candle lights
and passersby
Whispering . . .
I wanna hold you close forever.

Sunset 'til dawn break
And I can never
burry down a spell uncast
our yearning eyes cannnot save.

NO MORE RAINDROPS

seduced by moonlight
silence decided to declare itself
should i not feel lost?
i cannot breathe
i cannot sleep
i cannot weep

dream away in the fire in your eyes
wrapped in the cold with you
melt with the breath of your mind
should i summarize
should i be surreal
should we blissfuly feel?

waiting for the caress of twilight
confined in the grasp of knowing
darkness is my knight
will you save me
will you stay
will you go away?

unstopped, unseen, no periphery
radiating embrace of what we seem
connected by a dream
just you and me
and a hundread
and a thousand
and a hundread more
of you and me...

SPARKLE

I go to sleep
when my brain gives up on me
I go to sleep
when my eyes shut themselves
unconsciously.
I don’t go to sleep
when I can still see
but the darkness blinds me
and my senses are free.
I don’t go to sleep
if I still feel.
if I can still think.
if I can still remember.

so my soul travels
to the other side of eternity
across space and time
and limitless boundaries.

as I look at different angles
I see different souls
in a chaotic phase they go
in all directions they run.

then I saw a faint light
sparkling by the distance
standing far about.
it took long for me to go there
but I followed its radiance...

I crawled through
the dark tunnel to the other side
closing my eyes as I slide
and I slip, and I try to stand.

feeling close now, feeling warm
I sense the light drawling near
in exhaustion I pause.
in trepidation I fear.

but a breeze opened my eyes
and I fall.
and in a heartbeat I saw
brittle drops
burning in bright flame
negatively electric touch
catch me. hold me.
and I ride and sail away
to the flight of his paris wings

as I close my eyes smiling
now I can sleep
in the arms of fiery poetry
with the scent of sweet Amber lips.

-----
note: best felt when re-read with Explosions in the Sky's "Glittering Blackness"

i am a schizo

so, you wanna know how crazy you are? me too! lol. with more free time today, continuously clicking on from blog link to blog link, a site chanced its way to this Demented sunshine girl's world. and yes, it is confirmed. i am a Schizo.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

hoha! but don't laugh now... take your own Personality Disorder Test and don't just take it once. the more similar results you get, the more accurate it is.

lmao... and here's my results. utterly amuzing, isn't it?

---

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid 78% Schizoid 90% Schizotypal 82% Antisocial 14% Borderline 74% Histrionic 18% Narcissistic 30% Avoidant 22% Dependent 42% Obsessive-Compulsive 18%

personality tests by similarminds.com

TREMBLE

running
to the other room,
i lock myself
lie down on the bed, feet shaking
feeling my flesh become numb with the silence
i curl.
i wait.
i lay. silent.
i weep to the questions with no answers
how would i escape
if i place myself in seclusion?
yes, i am a liar.
yes, i am a sinner.
and yes, i am afraid.

now i surrender to the silence.
i surrender to the darkness.
surrender to the light.
leave everything behind.
who am i fooling?
every heartbeat throbs to my ear.
stare at the door
the dark sight of an empty space

the other side threatens to destroy
and in silence i remain.
your cruel words gush to my bloodthirst ears
as you go in circles
in my monotonous world
accuse me of betrayal
and i accuse you of stealing my soul.
dont wanna feel numb anymore.
dont wanna remain silent anymore.
let go. let go.
let me be.

-----

note: yes, this is for J

standing in the cold with you...

“I”

I pass through
The isle of nothingness
And once again
I am null.

The void Of my empty heart
Throbs the beat
Of insignificance.
And I have no power
Over me.
And I am gone;
Insanity.

Spit the fire
Burn in agony
Beam back the sorrows
Out of me.

And so I pass by
With this thought again,
And gone with the day
From my own inexistence.

Isolated and unfree
Grasping with anxiety.
Gone and will forever be;
Myself and I.

@--- Strangers ---@

Set free this soul of mine
Freeze the frame of each second
Tired eyes, tired dreams
Tired screams
Wash away this pain
Drain down
Erase. Evaporate
My senses numb for you
My thoughts ache for youto see:
How my world shatter
Every second of your breath.
You create a little monster
Trapped,
Chasing my dreams away.
And I laugh with misery
As your shadow
Decorates your icicle lips.
Until now you’ve never known
Who I am. What I am.
And I will not know you.

-----
for J