tHOUGHTs oN nOTHINGNEss

I am insane. Nothing makes meaning to me. Whatever I do, however I think. I’ve been feeling numb since the day I first remember. I have no voice. I cannot speak. I cannot breathe. I don’t need to take this shit from you, from all of you…

What’s wrong with me?
And so they say I’m the one withdrawing. I’m the one hard to understand. I’m the one acting oppressed, deprived, although I am not. Or am I?

I am very sick. That is a statement…
And how I hope to be normal like them. Why did I become like this anyway? Obscure.

I can’t find any contentment although I cannot move a step forward. Tragedy.

I’m fond of staring at an empty space. Is there anybody like me? I don’t care! I don’t give a damn about myself either. Something’s pulling me back, preventing me to move on. Where should I move on to anyway? I wake up to find myself asleep. I have no time for anything. Time has no value to me. You left me in but I just fold.

I pick up a mirror, look at it and I saw a stranger staring back at me. I looked at him, he looks at me. He looked so sad. I had to see what did he want. And I found nothing. Is there anything? I’m better off blind I said. Than a blind soul grasping from a blown off candlelight.

I have to wait ‘til my tears freezes over to see the reflection of my thoughts. Wasting away, I waited for you to take me but my flight instead sank me. And I distort my head with deafening silence and the scent of burning misery. I lost what I once found in me. I am lost and I have found nothing.

I tread a journey ending up in circles and I am here again where I once started. Nothing’s moving. Everything’s still, and will stay forever.

I lost track of my self delusion, I am incapable of transcendence. And the reason for my own collapse. My departing soul recedes from all I see. From all I’ve been; my inauspicious state. I never want to leave. Although I am nil. I do not exist. Or should I wish to be? I am but rubbish. Empty.

And I say to myself, and I know, nobody has found me. No one can penetrate me, they only see what’s in their own fancy…
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to set the mood: listen to Hayden’s everything I long for album