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Thursday, December 02, 2004

A Treatise On Why Jocks Make the Worst Kind of Boyfriend

by: Adelide

Hi girls! I bet you don't know me... it's okay, 'coz I dunno you either! Am I cutely nauseating or what? Anyways, I got a call from the boss of this site saying, "Hey Adie, old buddy, my mind's too distraught and muddled up right now. Could you do me a favor and write the best article of your life regarding your most favorite topic?" Now, how could I refuse that? So with nothing but clothes, money and boys in my main field of interest, I might as well do the most exciting of the three--- boys, of course.

Admit it, even if you're an old sour spinster or a happily married housewife, you have to be interested in boys. Othewise, you might as well be a being from outer space. Why do you think are there many nuns in the seminaries?

I've had my fill of the different kind of boys--- the geek, the nerd, the musician (with the long hair he barely shampoos, among other things), the effeminate and others. But I have to say that the jock makes the worst kind. Naturally, most girls have fantasized about guys with bulging muscles, hairy chests, beautifully sculpted butts and long sinewy thighs. Unfortunately, they'd rather pamper that gorgeous body he has rather than pamper your sexual fantasies and craving. "Sorry luv, I can't make love with you tonight because I'm too tired for my body-building sessions later. And my basketball practice too." But I'm sure he won't be too tired if YOU're the one who's going to do all the job. maybe out of a sheer revenge, you could borrow your girl/lesbian friend's vibrator/dildo and show him how it feels when a cold piece of pseudo dick is randomly struck in any orifice of his body. Ain't that sweet revenge?

Sure, you may have a great looking trophy to flaunt but when it gets down to the nitty-gritty --- girl, you ain't got no satisfaction. Not sexually, not mentally, not even verbally. The only ace you've got is that you'll always have a beautiful sight. As if sights make up for everything! Believe me when I tell you, Danny Devito is defenitely sexier than his chum Arnold. And thank God Mel Gibson, the un-jock hunk has got enough kids to prove his prowess.

Did I hurt you Ashley sweetie? Nerdjock's also a nerd--- there's hope for him yet.

:: :: :: ::

ADELIDE writes for Catatonia, a local fanzine with correspondences from CA, NY, IL, USA. Although I have no idea when was the last time they published an issue or if they are still existing. Posted this page from their 'zine and I know Donna wouldn't mind.
NERDJOCK is i think Ashley's boyfriend. Ashley is... hmm... i do not know who Ashley is.

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