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Thursday, August 25, 2005

being single sucks? - a tribute to Aug 25th

bloghopping, i found this post about someone's list on Top Ten reasons why being single sucks



And here's what i commented (and more):

Being sinlge sucks sometimes, but havin a partner you dont agree with, (with almost everything) sucks even more.

The same as his (the link post above) sentiments, i think id be (physically) single in a long time too.. and it might not be (psychologically) healthy for some, but indeed i too have found "better people" online. with the blogs i come across with, people i meet. its so strange why these people do not exist in the real 'walking' life. i mean, most thoughts poured online are hidden in pseudonyms. in the 'walking' life.. no one would expect me to write like i do.. to speak of opinions like i have..

And strangely, with all the personalities i have seen on the blogsphere, i have created this "perfectly-shaped" person that would be the partner ill be willing to be with (let's say until my hair turns to grey, or even... until the last breath of my existence). But the prob is, who would fit this image? who would have the same taste in music, books, poetry.. etc... hmm.. and also have the diversity of which i would be excitingly exploring as well as having these same feelings towards me too? who would possess all that and at the same time be sweet and gentle too? romantic and passionate? and who would i not bore to death? who would read me through his eyes? whose smile would seem to faint the brightest star?

ive been into relationships that mostly end up sour. not that there's something wrong with me (or is there? i think they think im too weird for them), but it seems that either they hurt me (happens most of the time - one even physical) or i hurt them (happened once and he was my best friend). after all that, i am guilty of creating this protective shell around me which nobody would penetrate. i have created a world of my own which nobody would linger in... and then i found blogging. and then i found p2p file sharing... and then i met people with great minds and cool taste. and then my shattered world have been shed with light and the once lost pieces now glows and all of them are in sight. the only thing to do is pick them up one by one, place them all together.. with precision and patience. lots of patience.

i consider myself as a very patient individual, and trained myself to accept all the hurt without having revenge, without fighting for my rights. i tend to masquerade all my dreadfulness and darkism behind what people see of me. i easy laugh at the stupidest joke but deep inside i lack the laughter and smiles. but in the past seven years, not once did i went out with friends... not once did i enjoyed myself and my surrounding. because i was deprived. and i was agreeingly depriving myself. just recently did i feel there are interesting people in the 'walking' life.. but not as interesting as to know them more and be attached emotionally. Maybe i tend to shun my world, to close my eyes. or was there anyone brave enough to dig up my thoughts, decipher them?

Having said all that, i remember the film How to Make an American Quilt. And the tagline which lingers in my head after seeing that a decade ago was...

Who would you marry, your Best Friend
or Your Soulmate?


Strangely, i havent figured out the answer yet. Because for me the questions that should be before it or follow it is..

Who is Your Best Friend? Who is Your Soulmate?

----
note: now im thinking if posting this is a good idea. Anyway, its long and i dont think anybody would really read me.(hmm.. or is there? *.*)

15 Park your thoughts here:

Anonymous blue skelton whispered...

Hiya Velvet thanks for the encouragement. Sorry I have been away for quite some time. Let me know If it is ok for me to link you :)

25/8/05 10:44 AM  
Blogger dreaming-neko whispered...

happy birthday, velvet! :)

25/8/05 12:05 PM  
Blogger puremood whispered...

Life is all what you make of it, single or not. Tho, I believe as long as one is in the right frame of mind life will be more full with one you love by your side.

To answer the question - My best friend is my soul mate :) and I married him 12 years ago today - a sincere thanks for taking time to post a congratualtions :)

I find it odd I can click with folks online and not meet people like I meet here in cyberspace in the real day to day world. I've met many folks tho from the interent in real life and I must say after meeting them only a select few were met more than once.

25/8/05 2:57 PM  
Blogger Paul whispered...

"Being sinlge sucks sometimes, but havin a partner you dont agree with, (with almost everything) sucks even more."

My sentiments exactly. And being single for a while can be a good thing. You get to know yourself better, figure some things out. Makes you a better partner for if and when later on, I think. And happier in yourself.

26/8/05 12:46 AM  
Anonymous Sergei Shelukhin whispered...

Heh... I am 21 now, and 4 months ago I dated 27yr old Turkmen girl for like, 8-9 months... We had entirely different tastes in movies and books, half-different tastes in music, we were brought up differently etc... Yet we got along pretty well, so I think that tastes don't really matter if something on a deeper level is similar...

On the other hand, not being single lost its point when we parted and I found out that I can pick up girls in clubs without engaging in relationships... Well maybe I'm too young ;)

26/8/05 2:12 AM  
Blogger atomicvelvetsigh whispered...

blue skeleton.. well inform me if a novel does comes up. and of course, you can link to my blog 8)

dreaming neko.. thank you thank you ! and thanks for that lovely posty too!

puremood.. ohh good for you! its so rare to find a person who's your soulmate and bestfriend at the same time.

i should say tho, that as much as there are interesting and nice people online, there are as equal or even more of people that everyone should beware of too. we should plainly be as cautious in cyberspace as we are in real too.

paul.. sometimes, the truest essence of gaining peace of mind can only be achieved when one is alone. not only that one has unlimited time to figure out things on his own, but also the feeling of self-satisfaction when one achieves something by himself.

sergei.. o..k...
and seems to me that you havent found either in that girl.

27/8/05 4:21 AM  
Blogger SillyBahrainiGirl whispered...

u hit the bull's eye!

being lonely sucks but being with an asshole who has no considerations for your needs and feelings double-sucks..

27/8/05 4:52 AM  
Blogger atomicvelvetsigh whispered...

sillybahraingirl.. now that was not a silly thought at all! here here!

27/8/05 9:52 AM  
Blogger . : A : . whispered...

Very interesting discussion. Completely agree with the opening,

"Being sinlge sucks sometimes, but havin a partner you dont agree with, (with almost everything) sucks even more."

27/8/05 12:52 PM  
Blogger Graham whispered...

Hey u :),

I hope you're doing okay. Being single I've now discovered is about somehow struggling through the tough moments, when u ache, and need, and miss all the little beautiful details of him/her... and then it's about finding cause to be hopeful. That is the biggest challenge. Because with no hope why even try.

I am not sure what lies ahead for me, none of us can ever be, but I know I have to learn from the mistakes of my last relationship. Somehow we will all get there :).

Stay safe AVS, and thanks for writing on my blog :).

28/8/05 3:28 PM  
Blogger floots whispered...

they both suck
they both sing

28/8/05 6:16 PM  
Blogger atomicvelvetsigh whispered...

.:A:... strange how that is true, right?

graham.. well thanks for asking.. and dropping by. im defenitely alright now.

and i believe learning from past relationships is also a way of learning about our own selves. whether we chose to change or remain but chose a different partner. whatever we do, it is the growth we share with the next one which weights a bigger role. both of you should be willing to share them, for learning is a never-ending process.

floots.. thats the way to summarize it in 6 words! 8)

28/8/05 7:00 PM  
Blogger RagDoll whispered...

You just put into words, what sometimes floats around in my head.I've never thought about it before. I just realized that I married best friend, and not my soulmate. I don't think my soulmate exists. Like you, I have created an ideal in my head. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change a thing, given the chance to do it all again. I just don't think my soulmate exists anymore.

But like you said,it sucks even more to be with someone you fight with. Sometimes being single is awesome!

A very happy belated birthday to you Velvet!

31/8/05 6:03 AM  
Blogger atomicvelvetsigh whispered...

Ragdoll.. first, thanks for the greet. 8D nice to hear about your best friend..

well, i confess i have mistaken someone looong time ago for a soulmate. i guess its really hard to distinguish if one ever really existed or if there is really such a thing. i used to be an idealist to so any beliefs and philosophies in my younger years. in time they just died down or fade out.

i guess recently tho.. a time comes when ur looking for answers to questions blurin your head, u find clearance to unexpeced places and suddenly everyhin makes sense. and u come across that soul that fits perfectly into place with yours.

31/8/05 7:18 AM  
Blogger atomicvelvetsigh whispered...

oohh.. what an interesting post-find after being burried a year ago...

31/8/06 4:55 PM  

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